good morning....

When I started this blog I had all the best intentions. I thought that by committing to a blog I would create some space for me to have, well, me time. It worked for awhile there. I was at home on maternity leave with my second child, and I had everything in check.

But then, work happened.

I quickly became overwhelmed with all the responsibilities I carried - wife, mother, professional, a human being. I felt like I was drowning. I couldn't get on top of anything. I felt frantic all the time. I needed to drop something...but what! My husband needed me, my kids needed me, my job needed me (and well to be honest, I needed it too $$). What I dropped without even making a conscious choice was myself. I dropped myself as a woman, as a human being.

I swiftly put aside all the things that made me, me. I stopped running, I stopped riding horses, I stopped reading, I stopped any creative outlet I was keen on at the moment (it rotates...I'm a fickle artist), I stopped writing. I stopped dreaming. I stopped being me. I lost myself.

Almost exactly one year later, I am sitting here with the profound realization of how important I am in all of this chaos called everyday life. If I have lost myself, then what am I giving to my husband, children, and career? I am a shell of a former me. And it is me that they all need.

Changes must happen. I need to be brave and do what is right for me so that I can be something to all of them, not just a ghost. I have had an awakening of sorts. Somewhere deep down, my former Self mustered enough energy to call out and say "you have forgotten about me" and thankfully I heard it. I need to let that voice grow stronger and be heard by not only myself, but others in my life as well.

I am grateful that I have recognized this now, and not 30 years from now - waking up in a cold sweat of regret. So now that I have recognized it, let's do something about it.

I will start by saying Good Morning after this awakening.... and a good morning it will be.....